And the winner is……

It was a sunny Saturday at STAGS Cineplex for the long awaited screening of
Romans v Romans.

David and Goliath, Alien vs Predator, College Coeds vs. Zombie Housewives – this was going to be bigger!The firsts had nearly all their cast available while the 2s were weakened with several key performers missing, including Tom Osborn out for the season with injury (get well soon Tom) and Ben Rigby still recovering from his major role in The St Albans Pancake Day Massacre.

Lights, camera, action!


First foul betting proved correct as Matt Harrison continued his fine form from Tuesday’s training session.

Early scenes were probably edged by the 1s but neither ensemble were going to win any Oscars for their performance early doors.

Nominated for Best Comedy Performance – Mark Nott Snr. for his starring role in “Who Says We Can’t Have Two Goalkeepers?” (cue scene of Mark running towards halfway line as if it was actually a goal kick!).

The 1s began to perform for a couple of scenes and a fine effort from Durelle rattled the bar after a good move down the right.

But the plot had a twist.


Harrison scores! Look at his face, just look at his face.
Yes, Matt Harrison followers were delighted as their “first foul, first goal” doubles came in.
A poor free kick from the acceptable face of the Nott clan prompted a late “Best Comedy” entry as the, usually reliable, stopper Toby managed to chest the ball rather than catch it.Romans 0 Understudies 1. Time for the 1s to get their collective A’s into G surely?

But wait.

Davies fancied a piece of that Academy Award pie too.

According to IMDB: “besides running around train stations with his trusty companion re-enacting scenes from K-9, Sam loves nothing more than a good game of volleyball”. Perhaps a more lenient ref would have just admired his perfect demonstration of the “forearm pass” but the official was obviously in “football mode” and a penalty was awarded.

Up stepped Big Mike for his chance in the spotlight and, despite the pressure of knowing there were 20 plus cast members and audience willing him to miss, he delivered his only line straight down the middle like the big thespian he is.


Big Thespian Shocks Audience!

The audience were stunned. Romans Reserves were 2 up, the first team were starting to do the diva/baby thing and there were no Snickers or dummies anywhere.Half Time
Romans 0 – 2 Romans Reserves

Number 2s in La La Land, Primas auditioning for Moana.

Surely someone had mixed up the envelopes?


What goes on in the intermission, stays in the intermission but there was no chance of a refund from the box office or James’ other half falling for the old popcorn trick so…………………………………….

The second half started and, with the wise words of Director Phil still ringing in their ears, the 1s ensemble picked up the pace and were immediately delivering their lines with a bit more feeling dahling.

Durelle had another shot that hit the woodwork, Chris Ward followed up and repeated the act but it was “third time lucky” for the veteran performer Denton (re)acting quickest to put the ball in the onion bag.

1-2 and plenty of time before the final credits were due to roll. Escape to Victory?

Rising star Durelle finally got his “Best Newcomer” award when he slid home The Equaliser (ok, ok, it’s a tv show)..

Before you could get an Ice Blast (mixed) refill, Chris Ward got a third and
even stroppy sub Federici (“Best Dramatic Actress in a Supporting Role”) couldn’t miss getting in on the action from Rob Ward’s perfect delivery.

Rudy chipped in with “Best Dramatic Performance” as he insisted he would have scored had he not been fouled on the edge of the box. This qualified him for the “Best Use of Optimistic Imagination in a Fantasy Screenplay” award.


Rudy (in his head).

Jordan Foster made it 5-2 and Burgos 6 with a tap in.

Fittingly, the final act was the best. A great run by Foster was followed by an excellent through ball to meet Burgos’ (“Best Foreign Actor”) well timed run and it was 7-2.

The 2s can now have a dream sequence about what might have been had they had their full cast available.

For the 1s, a home screening of a quarter final vs Harefield awaits next Saturday.


carlos contreras – career closing clincher


In truth it wasn’t looking like it was going to be a cheerful Chilean “Ciao!”

The first forty-five was fairly forgettable. Full of faults and faux pas from forlorn Romans and only the eagle-eyed linesman kept the deficit to 0-1 at half time.

Then, just as it looked like the tide was turning, a defensive disaster doubled the deficit.Another defeat? No esta vez suckers!

The crowd cried “This one’s for Carlos!”
Commence comeback.

Sam the Dog Man unleashed (see what I did there?) another free kick into the woof of the net.


Warning Romans Growling!
Shents then happily headed home (in the right direction this time) to make it 2-2
Could Romans topple the table topping title tilting team?Ooh, what Drama!

Cometh the hour, cometh Carlos “The Chilean Chopper” Contreras who signed off his Romans career with a cool, calm and calculated clinical Christmas cracker of a shot from exactly 12 yards out, having played the old “I named my baby after you” card on arrogant Argentinian Andres Andrex Andreas.

Burgos reverted to type moments later by snatching the ball away from the cheeky chappie Chilean to convert the second penalty of the game (following some Italian imitation improvisation) and round off a revitalised Romans recovery.

What a way to say “farewell” to our furry friend from afar.

Ten things you never knew you knew about Carlos.

1 – Since joining Romans, Carlos has never had a haircut.


Carlos, Pre Romans & Post Shower

2 – Since joining Romans, Jack has tried to copy Carlos’ hairstyle

3 – Carlos has made more tackles than any other Roman ever

4 – Andres hasn’t tried to copy Carlos’ tackling style.

5 – Carlos has a degree in Astronomy

6 – Carlos was once confused when Ben Kelly asked him “What sign of the Zodiac am i then?”

7 – Carlos Contreras is an anagram of “Ran a lot – Scores”.

8 – Ben Kelly is still working out number 7.

9 – Carlos thinks England is cold which is ironic as he comes from Chile.

10 – Carlos has the largest collection of headwear in St. Albans.


Viaje seguro Carlos. nos veremos otra vez.

A Week’s a long time in politics


But 3 weeks is a really long time in football so, not unexpectedly, more shenanigans have been taking place in Romansville.

Carlos has named his new-born son Andres or is that Andreas, Andre, Andros or Andrex? All of which are used by various Romans to incorrectly address his Argentinian namesake!

Hint: Think Iniesta.

Speaking of names……..
Things you never thought you’d hear No 1.
“I’m just like Walcott”.
Mike ‘Theo’ Woodhead explaining his one-touch finish against Northchurch.


Separated at birth?
Speaking of Theo, he was last seen using his head as an ashtray for Jeremy Clarkson.


Things you never thought you’d hear no. 2
“The talents here!” Mass on arrival at the County Cup game v Royston.
This talent didn’t include memory skills as Mass had forgotten to bring the kit!
Speaking of memory, does anyone remember Bereket?!

Speaking of kit, new boy Nurul kept very quiet about working right opposite Posh Wash (handy to know Mass).

Did I already mention speaking of memory?

Carlos failed to remember his newborn’s first hospital appointment, hence his last-minute withdrawal for the game against Royston.
A last-minute withdrawal of another kind would have saved a whole lot of trouble!

Speaking of kit again, Luke found comfort after Saturday’s defeat in the fact that, having been told to leave the pitch by the ref for having the wrong colour underwear, he merely rolled them up (thong style I suspect) before rejoining the game which was a “win” in his eyes.

Speaking of wins, the big winner this week was Rudy who, somehow, avoided a yellow card for worst tackle of the game merely by walking away from the scene of the crime and mingling with players on the edge of the box!
Reason No. 1 why not to stand around arguing with referees!

Romans have a few new players this season. In The Unknown Roman’s days (circa 58AD) new gladiators always used to say “up front” when asked their preferred starting position.
These days the answer is invariably “centre mid” so it was good to hear of excellent full debuts from centre mids Doni Jones and Thomas “Shents” Shenton……. at right back and centre back!

Missing/Lost this week (apart from Bereket)
Boots – Rob
Shinpads – Ghokan
Ring – Rob
Kit – Mass (did I mention that?)
Two new keepers who said they were coming to training.
A win!

Next week sees reverse league fixtures for both teams that last time saw 12 goals 1 clean sheet and 6 points.
What could possibly go wrong?

​GOOD NEWS, BAD NEWS. (Seconda Parte)


Well week 2 and 3 have been and gone and everything is still just as you would expect (but not necessarily in the order below).

Good news – The 1st team won their County Cup game.
Bad news –   The 2nd team lost their league game.

Good news – Someone noticed Jack’s hair.
Bad news –   Someone wanted to “SNAP IM IN AAALF!”

Good news – Romans have two keepers.
Bad news –    One didn’t turn up until the second half.
Good news – Jarred kept a clean sheet.

Good news – The 1st team won their first league game.
Good news – The 2nd team won their first league game.

Bad news –  Mark forgot his wedding ring after the morning game.
Good news – He’d be able to pick it up at the afternoon game.
Bad news –  Mark forgot his wedding ring after the afternoon game.
Good news – He picked it up at training.
Bad news –  He left his trackie top at training.

Good news – Clean sheet
Bad news –  No clean sheet

Good news – 1st hat-trick of season for 2nds.
Bad news –  2nd hat-trick of first half misses for the 1sts.

Bad news –  Chris lost his boots.
Good news – Chris found his boots.
Bad news –  Chris had spent £95 on a new pair.
Good news – Chris can return them and get his money back cos he kept the receipt.
Bad news –  Chris gave his receipt to Luke for safekeeping…………………………

Good News, Bad News.


Oh those Romans!
Season 2016/17 starts and everything is just as you would expect.

Good News – The player awards for last season will be handed out this season.
Bad News – This season’s awards will probably be handed out next season.

Bad news – Romans still need keepers.
Good news – Ben is helping find them – so that’s ok.

Bad news – Luke is still losing things.
Good News – Ben is helping him find them – so that’s ok.

Good news – League cup 1st round – both teams have bye.
Bad news –   League cup 2nd round – both teams play each other.
Good news – League cup latest – “Romans cruise through to quarter final stage”.

Good news – Div 2 cup – 2nd team have a 1st round bye!

Good news – Mass isn’t banned and can play.
Bad news – Mass isn’t banned and can play.

Good news – Romans have enough players for first two games of season.
Bad news – opposition call off 2nd XI’s match.

Good news – 1st team have choice of 23 players for opener.
Bad news – 1st team not allowed to field 23 players for opener and lose 3-0.

Bad news – bottom of the league.
Good news – the only way is up baby!